I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
