I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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