he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
