She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
