hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
