watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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