My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
being pregnant is like rehab
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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