I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
