babies were throwing up all over the place
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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