that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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