brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
