Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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