How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
