this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
