I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
