Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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