i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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