sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize