So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
