I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
