i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
