come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
