he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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