i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize