my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
