They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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