Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
look no pants
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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