i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
