you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sorry about my life...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
