If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
