Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
