but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
