You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
