some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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