chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sorry about my life...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
