you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
