Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
