Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
