Say something about gay babies.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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