Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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