Your mouth is God's brothel.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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