even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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