there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize