what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
this will be a night to untag.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
