I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
