I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
