I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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