You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
