and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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