he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
