I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
