Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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