he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
