i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
