do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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