I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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