I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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