this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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