What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Michael Bay diarrhea
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
