Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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