He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize