It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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