quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i will never coherently bang her
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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