So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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