That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it's like heaven, but drunker
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
