I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
