i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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