you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
