The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Randomize
