Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
