My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
