I think I just saw someone hide a body.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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