you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
