Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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