Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize