i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
ok first of all what the fuck
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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