Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
