He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
