So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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