Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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