do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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