we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
