You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
