I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
