I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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