I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
