Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
