I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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