There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
